The Bear and You: When Living in Fear Becomes a Way of Life

There are times when God gives me words that cause me to stop and think deeply about what someone else may be experiencing behind closed doors. “The Bear and You” is one of those writings.

As I wrote this poem, I thought about what it must feel like to live in an atmosphere where you are constantly trying to keep someone else calm. You learn when to speak, when to be quiet, when to move carefully, and how to recognize the signs that trouble may be coming. Before long, so much of your energy is spent trying not to awaken the “bear.”

The bear in this poem represents that fear and unpredictability. It represents the words, anger, intimidation, and harmful behavior that can cause someone to feel as though they must continually adjust themselves just to make it through another day.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I want to use this time to share this poem and encourage us to think about those who may be silently living with fear. Sometimes we see what is happening. Sometimes we don’t.

But God sees.

“The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart…” — Psalm 34:18 (KJV)

As you read “The Bear and You,” I invite you to slow down and listen to the story behind the words.

The Meaning Behind “The Bear and You”

When I think about this poem, one of the things that stands out to me is how much of the person’s life has become centered around the bear.

She is watching.

She is listening.

She is adjusting.

She is hoping.

She is trying to find a way to keep the bear from becoming angry again.

Even while her “insides are screaming,” she is still hoping that one day he will wake up different—able to love, able to speak kindly, and able to acknowledge when he has done something wrong.

That hope is one of the most painful parts of the poem for me.

The words “walk softly” also carry a deeper meaning. When someone has lived around unpredictable anger for a long time, walking softly can become a way of life. You begin trying to anticipate another person’s reactions before they happen.

And yet, as the poem shows us, no matter how softly she walks, eventually:

“the bear is back around.”

That is why I wanted the poem to end where it does.

There isn’t a neat ending.

There isn’t an instant transformation.

There isn’t a final line telling us that everything suddenly became all right.

Instead, we’re left hearing the exhaustion in the words:

“Whenever it is, it won’t be soon enough for you.”

A Final Thought

If “The Bear and You” causes you to think about someone you know—or perhaps something you have experienced yourself—I hope you will not quickly move past that feeling.

Sometimes the people around us are carrying stories we know nothing about.

They may smile.

They may go to work.

They may attend church.

They may care for their families.

And yet, behind closed doors, they may still be learning how to “play the music” and “walk softly.”

During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I hope this poem encourages us to become more aware, more compassionate, and more willing to listen when someone finds the courage to tell us what is happening in their life.

And if these words describe something you are currently experiencing, please remember that another person’s abusive behavior is not something you are responsible for controlling. You deserve to be safe, and confidential help is available.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788

Sometimes a poem gives words to something that has been difficult to say.

My hope is that “The Bear and You” does exactly that.

Minister Kimberly L. Smith
Founder, The Angelic Pen

Originally published October 2014 • Refreshed for The Angelic Pen Devotional Collection.